Playing in the Puddles...Being honest about my disorder

According to Web MD, "Everyone sweats when it’s hot outside, but people who have hyperhidrosis experience excessive sweating to the point that moisture may literally drip from their hands. Hyperhidrosis causes them to sweat profusely or when there's no reason to.....When your body is overheated, when you’re moving around, when you’re feeling emotional, or as a result of hormones, then nerves activate the sweat glands. When those nerves overreact, it causes hyperhidrosis. For instance, someone may only need to think of a situation that causes anxiety in order to break out in a profuse sweat."

If you ever see me wiping my hands on my pants before I shake your hand, this is the reason.  I remember puddles of sweat on my piano keys in 2nd grade, tests ripping from moisture at school, and boyfriends pulling away from holding my hand in disgust as a teenager.  I remember my hands dripping what seemed like extra large tears down my arm to my elbow when I held a microphone.  

I recall careless comments made about my armpit clothing stains in my early 20's, and using every deodorant available to stop the unending problem.  Then there were those dreaded moments at church or around the table when everyone was instructed to hold hands to pray.   Why are those prayers always the longest ones? I recall slipping out of sandals because of moisture, and having to wear socks each time I visited the doctor so as to not cause a puddle from my feet dripping onto the floor.  

I tell you these things not to get your sympathy.  I have a wonderful husband and children who love me past my sweaty palms.  I am satisfied and have no intention on using anti- perspirants on my hands or paying tens of thousands of dollars on surgery to fix this embarrassing problem.  

In recent years, I have also discovered that I have an anxiety disorder that contributes to my constant dripping.  I believe I have had it as a child.  I don't know why, and I may never know.  I am currently changing eating habits, taking medication, and taking other measures to live as best as I can with this disorder.  

My good little church girl fights me constantly.  I argue with her when she tells me that if I could control my thoughts, be delivered from the demons of anxiety, and read enough "how to" books, I would be good enough, the sweating would stop, and the anxiety disorder would be no more.  I would be free!

But my Bible and my heart tell me something different...

Psalm 73:26

New Living Translation
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

English Standard VersionMy flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

There are measures I can take to overcome fear...I know them all too well.  What I have realized is that the only way to truly overcome fear and anxiety is to fill up with God's love.

Perfect Love Casts Out All Fear!....and God is LOVE!

The more I try to fix me, the more anxious I get about being anxious.  The moment I try to stop my hands from sweating, they begin to pour puddles onto my computer keys.

The more I try, I fall into the lie of works, and fear, and lack of control.

But when I rest in who God has made me, sweaty palms and all,  and I realize that my disability is God's opportunity to use a broken vessel, it is then that I feel His unconditional love and acceptance. When I know God loves me, it is easier to let the careless comments roll.  

He specializes in fixing us all, and loving us as he places our fragile selves on the potter's wheel.  I may never be free from this anxiety disorder, but I am not a slave to fear.  As the song says, "I am a child of God."  

I am still overcoming. I may still be embarrassed to shake your hand the next time we meet. But I pray that His spirit in me would leave a mark on you, and that you sense God's love dripping through this broken vessel.  Finally, I ask that you would rejoice with me as I play in the puddles of his love!