Regarding Church Hurt

I honestly cannot believe that I am writing this.  In fact, I am not sure what I'm going to say at all.  But for some reason, I feel prompted by the Holy Spirit to share from the depths of my heart on an issue many people have faced at some point, and many people I know are facing now.  First of all, let me clear the air and say that I may not understand everything that is happening in our current situation, although that could drive me crazy if I let it.  I have learned through experience, not to even try to figure it out.

I don't know a lot of Greek, or science, or math.  But I KNOW about church hurt.

  I have been here so very many times.  I have watched people be people.  And I have watched people hurt people.  I have seen leaders fail, and attenders gossip.  I have seen people who love God very much walk away from church all together.  I have seen families divided, and witnessed how tragedy can bring us all back together.

The hurt goes deep, the questions are many, the confusion is rampant.  I have experienced the grief that seems to flood a community of believers after the death of a dream.

I get it. 

BUT...

In these moments, we all have a choice to make.  Will we hold on to bitterness as current experiences bring up hurt  and open wounds from the past?  OR will we choose to agree to disagree, dust off our feet, and move forward?

I want to share with you a few practical ways to deal with church hurt as learned from experience...

1.  The word of God tells us that above all else, we are to guard our hearts.  It also is clear about us making sure we are taking care of the ones we love the most...our families.  Do what is best for your family.  Seek God about it. Ask Him, are we to go?  Are we to stay?  Who are we serving, God or man? Choose to be the priest of your home and teach and train your children as you walk through this together. Think about the impact your words will make on the next generation. They are watching how you handle this.  

2.  Secondly, be thankful.  Remember the good things the Lord has done in the past.  Were lives changed?  Did people come to know Christ through this ministry?  Were the hungry fed?  Did your children enjoy going to church? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, than you have something to be thankful for.  Talk about these memories with your family, look at pictures, laugh as you remember how you walked through life together doing kingdom work with these people.

3.  Cling to God's word and get in his presence.  Sing in your car.  Write scripture on your walls.  Cry and scream out to him, and let him heal you.  Be real before Him.  Instead of gossip, send your friend a verse.  Even yesterday a friend from church sent me the verse,  found in Psalm 16...and this morning as my mother in law spent time in God's presence, she was instructed to send us the same verses:

I will praise the Lord who counsels me
Even at night my heart instructs me
I have set the LORD always before me.  
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.  
Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
My body also will rest secure

4. This is a big one I have had to learn the hard way.  Go to the source.  If you have questions about things that are said or how they are handled, go to the one who said the words (even if it is the pastor).  Use the Biblical model found in Matthew 18.  Don't use the questions you have as a means to gossip and give your opinion.  Those who may not know Christ or have a personal relationship with him do not understand your venting. 

5.  Finally, remember that there is an enemy that wants to kill, steal and destroy you, your pastor, and the kingdom of God.  He is the one who brings division and confusion. Instead of choosing a side, choose to repent for any wrongs you have done, and sincerely and boldly approach the throne of grace for God's help.  

James 3:16-18 says:

16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Choose to be a peace maker.  Forgive....even if what others do is not right.   Don't even give the enemy the satisfaction he wants.  Praise God! Blast the music.  Choose thoughts that are in alignment with the word of God.  The enemy won't stay around if you do that!

In conclusion, I will say that although I know that doing the things above will help, I by no means have mastered the above suggestions. Please pray for us.  We need to pray for one another, our leadership, our community.  We are the church and the world needs us to "be" the church whether we have a building or not. Keep your chin up and remember His unending love for each of you!

Let Me Hear Your Voice

Let Me Hear Your Voice

You have a voice that needs to be heard. That voice needs to be heard, even if “they” do not agree with what your voice has to say.

Fear of man will silence your voice, as will fear of failure.

But, God gave you a voice with the intent for you to speak out, on what matters.

Your voice can make a difference.

Speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

- Proverbs 31:8

Sing loudly for all to hear.

A few years ago, I could have lost my voice, for good. I had been diagnosed with Tracheal Stenosis.  My airway was growing up with scar tissue.  I couldn’t breath, and I often lost my voice. The surgery that corrected this problem could have caused damage to my vocal cords, and resulted in a tracheotomy. Thankfully, I had a good doctor, one of the best at John’s Hopkins University.  He knew I used my voice quite a bit, and that I was a ventriloquist.  He carefully guarded those vocal cords and thankfully, I came out of surgery able to breath and talk again.

I remember a text from my cousin the day of surgery.  She told me that Satan had tried to steal my voice, but he was unsuccessful. 

This past year, I have found my voice again. This time, I am not talking about my physical voice, but the one that the world needs to hear. An intense battle with fear almost resulted in the stealing of my voice by Satan once again.

As a boss at my job, I have to make serious decisions that affect the lives of others.  I have to think first about the children I have been entrusted with, and speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves (those children).  Because of this responsibility, that I do not take lightly, I sometimes have to make decisions that make others mad at me.  As a people pleaser, this is hard for me.  I want everyone to like me, but I know as a leader, this is not always going to happen. Coming to terms with this reality almost caused me to lose my mind and many nights of sleep!

There was one particular day that I had to let an employee go from our company.  It was a hard day for me.  However, as I drove home that day, a song I had never heard began to play…. the lyrics made me cry, sob in fact.

The song was written by Steffany Gretzinger and is titled “I Spoke Up.”

Every knows that

I was the good girl

I did my best to

Make everyone happy with me

Then I found out that

It was impossible to please

The whole crowd

So I spoke up and I spoke out

I learned that love don't hold its tongue

And passion doesn't bow to what they think

It's you and me

Sometimes it's painful to be brave

To look fear in the face and know your name

To find your strength

Sometimes doing what God has asked of you requires great sacrifice, and many sleepless nights. Because what God sometimes requires of us is more about Him and growing others, than our own personal comfort.

I have always tried to be an encourager. I have always chosen to see the best in others.  Maybe that’s naive, maybe even a little stupid.  But, until I became a boss, it worked for me. 

Now that God has entrusted me with this job, I have a choice to make.  I could continue to not rock the boat, or I could risk my reputation in order to have the best atmosphere for the children I am entrusted with.  I know that as a leader, I have the responsibility to build a good team.  This team must be in unity. 

Therefore, I have to have the hard conversations.  Do I like them? No.  This is the worst part of my job. However, I am the one God has chosen to do it.  As as long as I am here, I will depend on Him to give me the strength to do what is naturally hard for me, but in the long run will enable others to be the best God has created them to be.

I have found that giving tough love (saying things that may hurt feelings, but grow souls) is only helping others in the long run.  They may not like it, or me, but at the end of the day, I need to know I’ve spoken up and done my best to please God. If I do my job in love, they grow. 

I have had to give last warnings to employees, and in return watched them make the choice to change. As a result, I have watched them truly blossom.  Speaking up has caused them to be all God has created them to be, and in return helped me to come alive. 

A few months ago, I discovered this verse…

O my dove, in the crannies of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

Song of Songs 2:14

And so I stand, on the cliff, so afraid to fall.  And He wants to see my face and hear my voice. 

I said earlier that sometimes what God requires of us is more about Him and growing others, and less about our own personal comfort.  Having tough conversations face to face with others is very uncomfortable to me.  Typing to a computer screen somehow seems easier.  Because of this very reason, I have struggled with whether writing was also part of God’s plan for me.  I enjoy writing more than I enjoy firing, lol. 

Yet, I absolutely feel fulfilled leading, and I absolutely feel fulfilled writing.

So I realized that I saw God as tyrannical and not giving me the desires of my heart, because I enjoyed them.  Having the right motives is crucial, but being afraid of not having them, is binding.

If I keep quiet, the rocks will cry out.

There are too many people out there who need us to speak up.  For me, I need to speak up for the broken, my single mom friends, my over-worked and worn out co-mommies, those young girls whom God has called me to mentor, those who have struggling marriages, those who are battling with anxiety, those whose children have special needs….

I cannot keep quiet any longer.  I am bursting inside. 

Thus…I share my Voice.

And you?

What is your passion?  What is God requiring of you?  Who do you need to speak up for?

Is it for sex trafficking, abortion, or missions?  What about adoption, healthy living, or refugees?

Please do not wait any longer. The reason you are passionate about these things, is because He has put that passion within you.  Don’t let fear steal your voice. We need to hear it.  It might help us grow.

Let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet!