My Resolution for 2016....

As we journey into a new year, we are longing for change.  Maybe you have goals for your health, finances, or to check off items on your bucket list.  We make plans, and hope that we can have the perseverance to develop habits.  Some of us "good boys and girls" read books, start journals,  and buy a new weight loss programs.  Others, just hope to survive another year.

We reach for control...Self-control to make the necessary changes.  But then we find ourselves needing control, when we simply cannot do it all.

Some broadcast their resolutions in hope that the accountability will help, while others don't tell a soul from fear of failure.  And then, there are those who again just hope to survive yet another year.

Last Sunday, I heard a message at church about Ruth's commitment, a concept few of us internalize. Her husband dies and she had a choice to go back home.  Yet, she left her family, her gods, and her ways to follow her mother in law to only God knows where.  Interesting story, huh? She even risked being beaten to pick up remnants of wheat in a field.  But she was committed, and eventually rewarded with the great love of Boaz.

I wonder if in her new year resolutions, she planned to make changes, get a job, and throw herself at  a man's feet...literally (Ruth 3).  Wouldn't a man make it all a little easier?  Talk about making oneself available!

Yet, my inclination is that Ruth wasn't planning a new life or a new start when she chose to stay with Niaomi.  I believe she was just trying to survive.  She was doing the next thing, taking the next best step.  She found herself being faithful, taking care of her mil, working hard, and stumbled (more like fainted from exhaustion) at the feet of the one who could change everything for her.

Yesterday, we watched the movie, "Joy".  It is a movie about the lady who designed the ringer mop, and velvet hangers.  To my surprise, I found this movie to be quite inspiring.  Joy was surviving, a single mom with her x husband and dad living in the basement, and her psycho mom watching soap operas all day long.  For 17 years she was hidden behind survival, and taking care of everyone else. She was faithfully committed, and then life landed her flat on her back.  It was at her break down moment, that she had a brilliant idea.  One that would completely leave her bankrupt at one point, but changed everything.  Her invention of the ringer mop landed her on QVC and HSN, and she didn't give up!

There was a scene in the movie where she had just gotten back her money after a case of fraud, and the narrator talks about how she didn't know what good would follow her as she walked down the street that day.  After all of her hardship, she had been rewarded. Yet, I doubt Joy was making her list of new years resolutions during her bankruptcy.  She just got up and kept walking.


Don't you love stories like these?

The faithful one is rewarded.

Isn't it true that even the thought of the reward or a dream can motivate us toward commitment?  What I find interesting though, is that in both of these stories, the ladies didn't even know what they were fighting for.  Sure, Joy knew she had a mop in her hand, and Ruth knew Boaz could help her.  But, they had no way of knowing it would turn out as beautifully as it did.  They just kept walking.  They just kept being faithful with what they had in their hand.

I am a planner and would love to know what God had in store for our family right about now.  Especially with the both of us unemployed in a few short days.  I would want to hope that my dreams would come true this year, and Travis's would too.  But honestly, we don't have a clue what will happen.  We don't know what to do with what is in our hands (our writing, our music).  We feel as if we have been knocked down (bankrupt like Joy), but we will get up and keep walking.  I want to hope that one day, we will end up at a "happily ever after" moment.  One thing I know for sure, is that it will not happen like I planned it out in my head. It never does...

Are you there?  Disillusioned? Faint of heart? Hoping to stumble into something half-way good.

We know how it feels.  We are there.

But somehow, because we have Christ, we have a hope.  The other day I remembered a passage of scripture:

2 Corinthians 4:8-9

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

In the middle of this hard season, I know I can trust God to bring us through it better and stronger.  I may be knocked down, but I'm not knocked out.  I hope that this coming year will be a year that I can get back up on my feet to victory.

If I had a verse that stuck with me in 2015, it would have been this one....

I had it on my desk at work, and now it is posted on my fridge. I realized this in so many ways  in 2015.   We made so many plans for church and work this year.  I had no idea that it would all end as it did.  Yet, the Lord's purpose prevailed.  We planned events, and made business plans, and even had vision planning meetings, just to have it end.  Seems strange, even a little sad, huh?  At times it seems like our work was in vain.  Yet, we know we are not destroyed.  His joy comes in the morning.  The lessons we have learned about life and faith linger, and we get back up again.

In 2016, I plan on starting an exercise and health program, I plan on writing, I plan to be a better mom.  Yet, it is possible that my plans will leave me flat on my back...again.  And when they do, I will look up.

This year, I choose to accept what I cannot change.   I will get up. I will keep walking.  I will do my best to be committed when I don't feel it, and faithful when I am scared to death, and maybe just maybe, something amazing will come of it all.  I have to believe.

Will you join me? It may not end up like we thought it would, but I promise His purpose will be better than any plan or resolution we could ever make!!!

Checkpoint

The dark of night, and a thousand red and blue lights ahead.  To the best of my recollection, my mom begrudgingly pulled her license and registration from her purse, and slowly proceeded further.  Never having been behind a wheel or through a checkpoint, my heart began to pound for her.  What was going on ahead?  It looked horrible.  Were our seat belts on?  Would they make us get out of the car? 

My mom rolled down her window, presented her information to the officer and he said to her, “thank you, don’t drink and drive.”  She pulled forward and explained to my adolescent self that they were looking for drunk drivers. It was a mandatory checkpoint.

Shew! That was a scary experience for a preteen.  On the other hand, I was glad they were there.  First of all, they could have caught someone breaking the law and justice would have been served.  Secondly, that was a scary part of town to drive through at night with just the two of us. It was nice to know that we were surrounded by those who could protect us if needed.  Thirdly, I realized that the checkpoint could have saved a life.    After that experience, I was grateful.  Once we drove through, it was not as scary as it had seemed before I knew what we were getting into.

All day, the word, “checkpoint” has been on my mind.  It is the weirdest thing.  I told Travis, I felt like I was supposed to write about it, yet had no idea what I was going to say. I even looked up it’s meaning in the dictionary to see if it gave me any clarity. God speaks to me in weird ways sometimes, so I knew if it was important, it would come to me when i needed it to. 

Lying in bed tonight, I had a random thought, and out of nowhere I know what it all means, and why I am to write.  It is where I am.  It is where many of you are tonight. 

At the checkpoint.

Where we are is a dark and scary place.  We are at a complete stop in life, and have no control of anything whatsoever.  What we see ahead seems like danger and chaos.  It is unknown to us, and we speculate. We feel anxiety rise up our bodies to our heads, and our brains take over, imagining the worst-case scenario, the worst possible outcome.

It is here that we have to do a few things…

1. We have to wait.  Ugh…I hate waiting!!!  My mom hates it, and her dad hated it too.  Patience does not run in this family.  It was left out of my DNA.  I want to know what lies ahead.  I want security.  I want to be safe.  I need control, and I do not want to be at the mercy of someone else. Get me out of the passenger seat and behind the wheel!!!

But this step is vital to getting through the mandatory checkpoint.  We are where we are for a reason, and we cannot turn around now. We are at the disposal of an authority greater than our own, and we have to trust that someone with more knowledge than us, knows what he or she is doing.

First, we have to link arms with those beside us, who have been here before.  We have to lean on those trusted people in our lives who are by our side, praying for us when we are scared to death. 

Second, we have to trust God.  He has all the authority and to take care of us and protect us from all harm. He will tell us what to do when we get there.

2. It is here that we have to get out our identity.  The documents my mom got out proved two things: who she was; and what belonged to her.  When we are at a checkpoint in our lives, we have to remember who we are.  We are children of the King.  We were put here on this earth for such a time as this.  God has a future and a hope for all of his children.  We were here to serve Him and point people to him.  We have to believe that, even when it looks dark.

We also have to know what we own…we have everything we need in Christ.  He is our provision.  We cannot look into the rear view mirror of fear. We have to look straight ahead, and into the mirror of God’s word and believe that we have everything we need that pertains to life and godliness. We are God’s, but He is also ours.  We are in Him, and that is the safest, most secure place on earth to be.

3.  Moving forward can only be done after obedience.  We have to roll down our window, present our identities and possessions to God, and do what He says.  His job is to get us through this season; our job is to push the gas when (and only when) He says go! 

The truth is…

We will come to the other side of the checkpoint. 

·      …With a little more patience

We will have more understanding because we have been there now.

·      As a result of this experience, we will be able to help someone in the future who is sitting where we once were

 We will be appreciative for God’s protection and instruction through it. 

·      We will trust Him more and fear less

 And finally…we will move forward, past the stopping point.  This place will be behind us soon enough, but until it is, we must rest assured that it is all gonna be okay!

Proverbs 3:5-6English Standard Version (ESV)

5 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

    and do not lean on your own understanding.

6 

In all your ways acknowledge him,

    and he will make straight your paths.

Dealing with Disappointment

Scars, wounds, shattered dreams, unfulfilled promises, messed up plans...Disappointment. 

We have all been there before.  Our expectations get the best of us, and we are down for the count before we know it.  You expected to get that promotion, go on that trip, have Thanksgiving meal with that family member.  Don't forget to mention that you worked so hard to make it perfect, just for it all to fall apart.

Ugh! I am disappointed at talking about these disappointments.

Some disappointments make us upset, but we soon realize that it all works out in the end, and we shouldn't have gotten in such a tizzy over it after all.

However, sometimes disappointment goes much, much deeper... into our souls.  It seeps into the crevices of our heart and comes out our mouths in explosions of anger, or from our eyes in weeping of tears. Sometimes, the disappointment is too much to handle.

The loved one has taken their last breath, and you had plans for the future.

The husband walks out on you, and you don't know what you did wrong, or what you could do to make it right.

The bills roll in, and debt gets higher, and before you know what hit you, you are bankrupt in so many ways.

Sometimes, disappoinment comes in waves from behind, and you are gasping for breath between the  blows.

We are left disillusioned, disheartened, sad, and empty.

There is no easy, quick fix for it.  There is no recipe for getting back above water.  Mostly, time heals. I do know that everyone grieves differently and it is okay.  However,  I have realized through life's disappointments a couple of valuable lessons that I would like to share in hope that it might help someone.

  My first piece of advice would be to let disappointment come, and express it physically;cry, scream, run, sleep, laugh.  Do whatever works for you, but please let it out. Talk to a friend. Pray to God. Sing. But, do not hold it in. Each time you do, a brick will pile on top of another, and a wall will build inside your heart.  A wall that is very hard to break.  It is okay to be broken, to allow yourself to feel, to allow others to feel.  It is healthy for the soul.

Secondly, do not believe this is all your fault.  You may not have had the desired outcome and your expectations may not have been met, but this does not mean it was or is entirely your fault. As my momma says," If the shoe fits, wear it.  If it does not, do not put it on." You may have made mistakes, or taken wrong actions, but life happens.  In the same manner, you cannot carry the weight of the what if's...What if I had done this or that or said this or that?  Then...it would have had a different outcome. Nor should you carry the weight of other people's bad decisions. Living in regret and replaying scenarios and conversations only makes one look inward.  You weren't meant to carry this weight. Turn around and love on someone.  Somehow that will bring salve and a little relief to your wounds, and theirs too.

 Finally,you must know that when the grief of disappointment passes,  there will be a time to hope again.  This is okay.  To hope does not mean you will forget the past. Do not feel guilty for hoping again. It is all part of your story.  Sharing your life disappointments and journey with others can help others work through theirs.  Turning the page to the "Hope" chapter is just that, a chapter of your story that is beautifully written for you, and for those who read the pages of your life. 

As a result of embracing life's disappointments,  one can be free to embrace the season of hope when it comes. The good times will be a little sweeter.  This time, your expectations will be different,.  You will not hope in your plans, but in Hope itself. Mostly, you will be able to rise above the waves so that when the next wave of disappointment comes (and that is inevitable), you will be able to hold the hand of someone going under and pull them through to safety.