I don't know about those of you who have had a 3rd child, but this time, I feel a little less than beautiful. You should have seen me puking my guts out after this picture was taken or heard me at the breakfast table as my sweet husband encouraged me and I all but bit his head off during the breakfast of hormones.
Yet, my sweet husband took this picture and posted it to facebook for our friends to see. To my surprise, many of you commented that I looked beautiful.
I have never felt that I was beautiful.
As a teenager, I was a girl with a lot of friends, but my friends were gorgeous...you know the ones that look like models and make you look quite plain. I remember that the guys thought that too and because I was the "friend", it was my job to hook them up with my hot friends. I loved the fact that I could help someone, but I often wanted to be the one being pursued. I remember I actually had a guy tell me, "You're the kind of girl I wouldn't want to date, but I would want to marry." I know what he meant now, but then...I felt like I was not enough.
In college, I finally found someone who chose me and accepted me for me. He even called me beautiful, but that relationship ended and those feelings of rejection creeped back in.
Until...God took me to the mirror.
I was getting ready to go to a Bible study in our dorm the night I had been dumped. This time, I couldn't breathe. I just knew I was going to marry this one, and it all ended that day.
I paced my floor and cried out to God, not able to speak through the tears. My lights were down low and Christmas lights lined my mirror on the wall. I looked into the mirror and wondered why I was not enough. It was at that moment, that God Himself entered that room and with a comfort I have never known except in grief, He spoke to me almost audibly.
"You are absolutely beautiful. I chose you. You are enough. You see, I have given you eyes to see the hurting, a nose to breathe My presence and wake up new every morning. I have given you ears to hear My voice and lips to speak My praise and say, "I love you." You have arms to hug those who need My arms. I have given you delicate eyelashes to protect your eyes and I know the number of hairs on your head. I have given you My mind and body. It is My heart in your chest, My blood in your veins. You are mine. I am in you. I am the knight in shining armor you have been looking for. You are my bride. I chose you."
My ashes were turned into beauty and my mourning into dancing.
My friend came to get me for Bible study and I couldn't leave the room. I took her in front of the mirror and told her what God had told me. She went and got someone else and they brought me another girl. That Christmas break, I was at a friend's birthday party. She turned 14. I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to take those young girls in front of the mirror and one by one they came out crying, their moms wondering what in the world was happening. I spoke at a camp that summer and shared my story, girls began weeping throughout the crowd. I even had one girl tell me she had been contiplating suicide and now she knew God loved her.
God used this ugly duckling and from my tears a ministry began.
It's been a while since I have taken anyone in front of the mirror. I often forget what God thinks of me.
James 1:22-25
But don’t just listen to
God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling
yourselves. 23 For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it
is like glancing at your face in a mirror. 24 You
see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.25 But
if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do
what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing
it.
I forget what God thinks of me...
Until, I remember the truth of God's word, until
I remind myself that I am enough but only through Him.
It is at those
exhausting, less than beautiful days (like today) that God reminds me I am fearfully
and wonderfully made. God chooses me and so beautifully has illustrated
that love to me by sending me a Godly husband who loves me in spite of all the
ugly.
For those of you who have felt rejected, plain or
not enough, He feels the same about you too. Maybe you are still
waiting for someone to tell you just how beautiful you are. Tonight, let
me be the one to speak on your Creator's behalf.
He doesn't make mistakes.
Isaiah 29:16
You turn things upside down, as if the potter were thought to be like the clay! Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, “You did not make me”? Can the potsay to the potter, “You know nothing”?
He knew what He was making when He made you and
You are absolutely Beautiful!
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